|Selmak Explains about Santa Symbiote|
Title: The First Annual Tok'ra Christmas Party
Summary: What do you get when you mix Tok'ra and alcohol?
Rating: PG perhaps...
Archive: StellarGate, Tok'ra Resistance, Selmak.org
Notes: This was all Ka's idea, <points finger before running>
Story Copyright 2004 Xy’aka
It was, on reflection, a very bad idea to attend the First Annual Tok'ra Christmas Party.
The first clue that this new venture was doomed to failure before it had even been born was that it was proposed by Anise.
The second clue was that Delek agreed when we voted on the matter.
The third clue would have been finding the afore mentioned people in a long distance communication through the chappa'ai to Teal'c about Tau'ri customs.
The last and final clue would be that parties amongst the Tok'ra tend to get a little rowdy. A party means alcohol, foul stuff really, but its the only thing that can knock us symbiotes out. A base full of inebriated Tok'ra can lead to, shall we say... accidents.
This party was no exception.
I paused on the threshold as I took in the once blue crystal main hall. A large purple furry tree which had obviously seen better days was drooping in one corner.
Purple?A PURPLE CHRISTMAS TREE? My host shrieked.
Oh Hush, they're trying, I said.
Bits of crystal adorned its branches and multicoloured lights bounced light of the crystal. A purple trail ran across the room and off down the corridor behind me. I sighed as my host urged me forwards, we had been ordered by Per'sus to put in an appearance, he reminded me. So the sooner we got in the sooner we got out.
"Selly", a voice behind me exclaimed as a weight latched onto my arm.
I really need a drink, my host put in as I tried vainly to pry Anise's vice like grip off my arm.
Upon reaching the drinks table, Anise still attached, I grabbed the nearest glass and filled it with something from the nearest bottle. I took a deep swig even as Anise put in "Selly, that stuff is..." I choked as it burned my throat and my host used several unflattering phrases, "...pure" Anise finished.
ROCKET FUEL screamed my host.
I turned to take a more detailed survey of the room as I recovered.
Nothing seemed too dangerous, except Grand Council Per'sus and Grand Council Loser Boy Delek decorating a doorway. Whatever Delek did was suspicious.
Isn't that tree sideways? Or is it Us? Now Jake had pointed it out to me I had to agree it was leaning slightly. I vowed to stay away, as knowing Jacob's luck, if it fell, it would be on him.
I diluted my drink with water and moved to a table where I could have a good view of the room and therefore any approaching danger. Anise moved to sit down beside me, a little too close for my liking. Jake gave a mental snigger and showed me an idea he had just had.
I slid out of control and sat back to enjoy the show as I mentally smirked.
"Anise, I overheard Aldwin and Lantash speaking earlier. Aldwin wanted to ask you to accompany him but you know he's much too shy to do so. I think you might want to go find him."
I watched as Anise's smile brightened and her chest puffed out, further displaying her cleavage as she got up and made her way out of the hall.
Jacob, that was mean. I managed to say through my laughter, You know Aldwin wont be able to get rid of her now? Mental sniggers and a vivid image of Aldwin backed into a corner waving a zat gun with a crazed look in his eyes as a ridiculously proportioned, structural steel enhanced Anise stalked towards him were my only response.
I took another sip of my drink as Malek joined me at my table with Ren'al on his arm. I looked between the two of them as I raised an eyebrow Jaffa style. I dare say Teal'c would have been pleased. The two squirmed under my gaze and Malek quickly motioned for the nearest person to the table to join us.
*Martouf*, I said with a nod, *Samantha sent you a Christmas gift*. He took the box I offered him carefully and slowly unwrapped it. He gingerly lifted the lid, then raised confused eyes to meet mine.
"I don't understand."
He pulled a small scrap of material from the box and held it up.
Ren'al's eyes lit up and Malek grinned, inside my mind there was silence. You could have heard a pin drop, if it was possible to drop a pin within ones mind that is.
Actually I have to admit that I heard the other shoe drop, plus seventy other pairs of shoes, including one pair of High Heels that must have belonged to Saroosh, as I never remembered Jacob wearing them.
"WHAT???" Jacob screamed internally.
I winced at the volume and once again wished I had a little mute button.
Malek had obviously seen my wince as he pulled Ren'al and Martouf to their feet and practically dragged them away whilst explaining the function of the offending red material to Martouf.
"It's a sling shot," Malek explained.
When they were out of sight I allowed Jacob to take control. He emptied the glass we had in one go. Then reached over and downed whatever Malek had left in his rush to get Martouf out of the line of fire.
My little girl better not be doing what I think she's doing, he growled at me.
I sighed, gently reminding him that his daughter was thirty, not fifteen and what she did with her private life really was not up to him.
I need another drink, he stated as he moved us over to the crystal slab serving as the drinks bar. I settled down to wait as my host sampled every drink known to Tok'Ra-dom.
*How are we meant to do this?*
I lifted my head from its position on my arms to regard Garshaw and the item she was scrutinising. One of Jake's memories was hovering just outside of my mental grasp and I had a strong suspision there was something I needed to tell her. However the many drinks Jake had consumed before passing out were interfering with my recall.
Even as I contemplated what could be so important Ocker ran over, a zat gun in his hand. The memory slammed into the forefront of my mind with the force of a teltak accelerating to hyperspeed. It had the immediate effect of sobering me up as I managed a strangled "No!" before the zatblast impacted what had been an impeccable Tau'ri christmas cake.
Unfortunately I now distinctly remembered seeing Malek, Martouf and Aldwin adding some of the strongest alcohol known to the Tok'ra to the pudding late last night. I only had time to duck beneath my table as the cake spontaneously combusted as the highly flammable alcohol set on fire.
Fortunately, I had ducked quickly enough so Jake wasn't burned to death. It would have been just his luck, you know.
The distorted sound of Jingle bells sounded through the communications devices in the hall as I catiously raised my head above the table. I groaned as Garshaw, covered with a fine layer of soot, clambered up onto
a bench (how she did that in the purple dress she was wearing, I didn't know) and announced that Santa Symbiote had arrived.
Everybody turned towards the entrance and waited expectantly. Into the room came one of the scientists from one of our outpost bases. She was dressed in a furry red and white costume and had a mound of presents inside a radio controlled cart.
She looked around as she pulled presents out and began reading out names. I watched with amusement as the Tok'ra around me began opening there presents. I sniggered as I spotted Delek puzzling over a Tau'ri book titled 'A Guide to Snakes and Other Reptiles'.
My name wasn't read out and the cart was soon empty. The scientist, Ka'rina turned to me.
*Selmak, we had a slight problem with your present,* I raised an eyebrow, *you put down that you wanted a kitten, well, we found you one but it ummmmm, grewalittlesinceweboughtit* she finished in one breath as
one of our spies, Xy'aka was dragged into the room by a rather large sized cat.
I looked between the small panther and Xy'aka, who had grabbed a table with her free hand and was hanging on as if her life depended on it.
*It might grow a little more before its fully grown,* Ka'rina carried on oblivious to my despair. *Bastet assured us it was fully housetrained though*.
I let my head fall onto my arms as I screamed at my comatose host.This is all your fault!
*Council?* I lifted my head and gazed at Xy'aka who had managed to manoeuvre the cat over to my table. I noticed she was sporting several bits of ripped clothing and a claw mark across her cheek. She thrust the "kitten's" leash into my hands before I could protest and made a hasty retreat. I looked down at the gray, silver striped beast which was growling at me from its position on the floor.
*Sit.* I commanded. It merely tilted its head slightly and growled even louder.
*Bad. Down. SIT!* I commanded as it extended its claws and crouched down, tail flicking from side to side as it prepared to jump. My voice, even through the symbiotic pitch, rose to a panicked squeak.
I quickly ran through any words which the monster might understand and finally settled on yelling a panicked *Kitty Kree!* as it snapped at my hand and I jumped onto my seat to avoid it.
To my complete surprise it retracted its claws and regarded me with the sort of look you associate with cute puppies.
I tried again. *Kral't.* This time it sat down smartly on my command.
Trust nobody to figure out the thing only understood Goa'uld commands.
Now all I had to do was find a way to get rid of it. Perhaps if I just let go of the leash it would wander of. Having thought of such a good plan I waited for a good distraction in which to let go.
A perfect opportunity came not five minutes later as sevaral people started up a loud rendition of a popular Tok'ra song. Per'sus, Thoran and Khonsu climbed onto a table and began a rather drunken jig which captured everybodies attention.
I gently dropped the leash and waved it away. It bounded away into the crystal passageways, in my opinion, hopefully to never be seen again.
Then again I mused, if I was really lucky it would end up in Delek's quarters.
Maybe even in his bed, no one would even notice, as he was notoriously indiscreet.
I decided to go greet everybody before heading to my quarters to install that door Jake had been nagging me about. After all, kitties (or panthers) couldn't get through.
A chorus of Selmak and Councillor greeted me as I nodded to the rest of the Tok'ra assembled in the hall. Several of the young whelps had the nerve to call me Selly as I passed.
I glared evilly at Garshaw's next host, Heather as she waved.
Guess who's on guard duty for a long time?
A very long time.
I paused to listen in to and interesting conversation that caught my attention. Three of the female Tok'ra, Lori, Liz and Panthera were discussing how to clone both a host and a Tok'ra. I leaned over Lori's shoulder and asked who it was they wished to clone.
Panthera looked up from her datapad "Malek".
I took my leave of the three plotters as quickly as I could.
Never knew who might be cloned next.
I decided that I had spoken to everybody I knew when I tripped over something on the floor. I heard a loud yelp as I windmilled my arms to keep from falling over. I managed to get my balance before I froze as something nudged my leg.
I turned slowly and gave the cat my best You Are So Dead glare.
It prrrd before running around me and in a circle. It yelped again and stopped dead in its circle. I turned around to see what it had done. I bent down and untangled its paw from the wire that it was had got caught in. A creak sounded above me as the cat got up, and bounced away to a table top to lick its paw. I followed the path of the wire to the currently flickering lights adorning the purple mass which was toppling towards me. I managed to get out two words before I was buried by it.
They were something I had asked myself many times since blending with Jake.
I dragged myself out from under the tree with the help of several other tok'ra. Opening my eyes I winced and clamped them shut as the room spun alarmingly.
*I think I'm going to go to bed.*
I got to a door by working my way along a wall. I crashed into somebody who was stupid enough to stand in the way as I stumbled through it.
*If you want to leave you have to follow the Tau'ri tradition of mistletoe.* A voice said as I tried to push past.
With that the person grabbed me and lowered their lips to mine. I managed to clear Jake's head enough to open my eyes without the room spinning.
Jacob chose this moment to wake from his alcohol induced coma. Just in time for his scream to blend with mine.
Tell me I'm seeing things? Jake said before I mentally felt him fall to the floor in a dead faint.
*Delek?* I managed to say, before I followed my hosts example into blessed oblivion