George Reviews

This starts off much like any other debriefing. Jack is late. George thanks him for joining them and the comment goes completely over O'Neill's head. (no surprise).

It appears that they've found another one of the Ancient Alien Artifacts - you know the one where it downloads all of the Ancient's knowledge into your brain and then slowly rewrites everything over? You know, like trying to play a European VHS tape in an American machine - it just doesn't work.

Jack's not thrilled about hearing that there's another one of those machines out there as the last time he encountered one, Thor had to remove the knowledge from his brain before it was completely re-written. But the problem is, Anubis is on the move, and Earth's allies haven't been too reliable lately. (Well, blame Delek for that one.)

Regretfully, Jack agrees to take the mission. SG teams 1,3 and 5 are on the planet when Anubis shows up. Jack makes the only decision possible - to prevent the downloading device from falling into the hands of Anubis, he puts his face into the face-sucking output device, beating Daniel Jackson, who was about to do the very same thing.

Hammond is upset, naturally, and O'Neill requests permission to go home and straighten up a few things before his mind is re-written. Hammond agrees regretfully and Jack leaves.

A few hours later, SG1 is at Jack's house, Danny's loaded, as he believes that Burns from the Simpson is a Goa'uld when George shows up.

He had bad news.

He's been relieved of command. The President has effectively shut down the SGC for a three month review process.

George is to report to Washington, DC. We all know that Kinsey's behind this, and things are looking bleak as the SGC has been placed underneath the command of a Civilian.

Things are looking mighty bleak as any moment now - Jack is going to be spouting off gibberish, well, Ancient-Based Gibberish - and possibly detailing the location of the Lost City of the Ancients, but they don't have a way of getting there!

Well, perhaps things aren't going to be so bad, as it turns out Hayes is long time acquaintance of George. He knows about the bad blood between Kinsey and Hammond and he tells George that he's getting a new assignment.

George begs off, claiming that he was hoping to retire.

Hayes laughs, and pretty much tells him George will be wearing Air Force Blue as long as he (Hayes) wants him to wear it and George will be happy about it.

While SG1 has possibly located the Lost City of the Ancients, Anubis has sent several of his ships to Earth's Orbit.

Naturally that has Bob Kinsey in a tizzy, and he's getting demanding.

"Shoot them outta of my sky!"

Hammond disagrees, "Anubis' objective is to goad us into a precipitous action which will show our hand. I believe launching the Prometheus now will only serve to demonstrate we lack the very advanced weaponry Anubis is afraid of."

The attack on Earth begins even while SG1 is returning back to Earth - the Lost City of Atlantis is actually on Earth - under about sixty miles of ice in the Antarctica. They just had to stop at the local 7-11 on Proklarush to pick up a few ZPM batteries.

Meanwhile George is at the White House with Generals Jumper and Maynard and that coward Kinsey.

Uhmmm... I'd like to take this time to let everyone know that even though I've been on the USAF payroll for over six years now, I have still have not met General Jumper. Jake tells me it's because ole Jump didn't like the movie "Alien" ~ but I have some serious questions that only Jumper can answer.

For example, why does Jake have significantly LESS medals than George? I mean, Jake's got like 5 of 'em and George has a hundred and twenty-something of 'em.

And what type of retirement plan am I accruing in the Air Force? I'd really like to know. And how about my medical benefits? Are they intragalatically usable or do I have to return to Earth to use them?

Ok - mental note - next time I'm on Earth, I'm going to DC to introduce myself to Jump. I can't wait!

But I can! ~ Jake

Anubis then shows up in the Oval Office and makes a generally over the top speech about how everyone's going to die. You know, in all the years that I've known Anubis, he's been such a Drama Queen that we don't take him very seriously anymore.

I think he took lessons from Sarah Bernhart.

Then he stomps on the floor and screams, "I'm going to get you and your little dog too!"

He disappears in a puff of smoke and President Hayes waves the smoke away from his face, and dryly comments, "Little over the top, weren't we?"

Kinsey runs off to save his bacon, and George is given command of the Prometheus. He's humanity's last Great Chance against the Walking, Talking Carpet o' Doom!

Things are looking grim, Anubis' fleet is busy shooting down our little 302's all over the place, SG-1 is inside the Ancient's stronghold, trying to find the power switch and there appears only one chance to save Earth.

Yes, and our noble George is going to do it! (He's just so noble!)

Yes, taking a lesson from D-Day in "Animal House", George yells...

"RAMMING SPEED!"

George then orders the Prometheus crew to ram the ship into Anubis's ship in order to save Earth! Uh oh! The gang's found the on switch and the Ancient's Device fires - directly at Anubis' Ship - with the Prometheus in its way!

But thanks to the safeguards of the Ancient's Technology - the device completely avoids the Prometheus and slams Anubis' ship.

And for now, Anubis is no threat to the Planet Earth.

Ok, I know you want to yell it, (even Jake does) so let's do it all together now... for the one, the only, General Hammond.

YEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

Good Guys Win!

Major General George Hammond, please accept the thanks of a grateful nation universe.

Back to George's Reviews
Season 7 ~ Lost City

SG teams 1,3 and 5, good luck. God speed.

I've been relieved of command. The President has effectively
shut down the SGC for a three month review process.

President Hayes: I think it was Lieutenant last time
we spoke, wasn't it?

General Hammond :For both of us,
that was alot of hair ago sir.

General Hammond: I'm thinking retirement.

General Jumper, that Walking, Talking Carpet
is the Greatest Threat to Mankind, Anubis.

In Command of the Prometheus

I came, I saw...

I did a little Texas Two Step on Anubis' carpeted Ass.