Jacob Carter ~ Reviews
I get invited to SGC for a nice little party. A few close friends, some wine and cheese. Yeah, right. They invited me because they were infested with those invisible Insect creature, the ReeToo, the Ratoutie...

Jake's comment - Isn't that a French recipe for smashed vegetables?

And they wanted me to shiver and squirm like crazy to tell them where the little buggers were.

First of all, I'm really annoyed that Jake wouldn't let me give George Hammond the big welcoming Tok'ra kiss on the mouth.

Jake's comment - I don't think so. Besides, George would have slugged me.

I have to admit that I noticed George right after I sauntered into the Gateroom for the very first time with my new Host. Look, I know Jake is male, but I had female hosts for over two thousand, four hundred and seventy two years, and George Hammond is the type of guy we liked. Balding, mature with an evil twinkle in his eye. He's just begging to be my little alien love slave.


A lady never reveals her age.

Anyway, Jake got jealous because I thought George was cute, so he had to prove that he was just the action hero I needed as a host. Naturally, my little Pookie got hurt. But at least he didn't take the header outta the command area. That poor little red-shirt never had a chance, I mean, Tok'ra guard.

What was that guy's name again?

Jake's comment - I was trying to protect Sammy, not protect you.

Needless to say, I had to behave myself as Pookie was hurt. Poor little guy what with his BBQ'd shoulder and all. Anyway, we ended up with a new Tok'ra host, and while he's bald, he's far too young for me.

Jake Whumping


I'm having the D.T.'s thanks to the insectoids, and well, we're serving Fillet Shoulder de Carter in the dining room. 3 Whumps out of 5.


Pookie got his feelings hurt because everyone wanted to see me, not him. EIGHT stars out of 5.

Selmak Saves Jake From:


One Badly BBQ'd shoulder.

Jake Quotes -

Jake Carter - Not So Action Hero to his daughter: Selmak, Selmak, Selmak. It's ok to admit that you wanted to see your old man.

Wrong, Jake! They wanted to see me! Blah blah.

Selmak Scenes -

Flopping around like a fish outta water. Tres Attractive, no?

Jake's Comments -

You weren't the one that looked like they were having a seizure, Sel.

Selmak's Comments Part II-

Don't I even get a Thank you?

Jake's Comments Part II-

Thanks, Sel, for fixing my shoulder. But what about my hairline? Can you fix it?

Selmak's Comments Part III-

That George Hammond is one hunk. Saroosh would have kicked his feet from underneath him and banged him on the ramp until the Tok'ra came home. YEEEE HAAAAAAAA!

Jake's Comments Part III-

Now I'm going to nightmares about that thought.

Season 2 ~ Show & Tell

I made sure Lantesh got a picture of Jake in his Tok'Ra uniform before our first mission together so I could put it into my scrapbook.

SELMAK! Stop thinking that about George! Immediately! ~ General Grouch

I used this on the last guy that wanted to date Sammy. He's singing Soprano now. Was there something you wanted to ask me, Jack?

Who hurt my Pookie? They're gonna be one Squashed Invisible Bug
when I'm done with them!

Teal'c and I get along great as we're the only sane ones
among the Crazy Tau'Ris