George Hammond ~ Reviews

Is it just me or the minute you saw everyone playing poker, you yelled, "You Fools! You're going to be dead before they roll the credits!" You know, the directors should have played the theme from Jaws besides putting the big spotlight on the blond chick. Everybody knew that she was shark bait... err... Apophis bait..

But the good part of this is, we meet George Hammond for the very first time.

His first words are, "Hold your fire!" Apophis gets all glowy-eyed, and Selmak gets all weak-kneed because George is just so stern, so strict and so unhappy that his easy job before retirement has gone up in the flames of a bunch of staff weapons.

What can I say, Saroosh would have just adored loosening him up.

Sel - just a reminder that your current host, (That being me, Jacob) while quite friendly with George, doesn't ADORE him nor has any desire to loosen him up.

I know, Pookie. But a lot of my favorites were there, including the really cool Chevron Guy. It's a shame about him as he's never quite sure what his first name is... is it Walter? Or is it Norman?

Anyway our boy George meets with O'Neill, and before long George is wearing a very familiar expression on his face, the one I call, "I'm really not happy with you and I'm going to be really angry if you don't give your host the TV Remote right now." You see Jake likes sports, I like .... soap operas, and he yells at me because I don't want to watch football every night.

Football is not the type of contact sports that Selmak likes.


Ok, anyway, you've seen the show. Jackson is alive, Sam Carter shows up, Jackson' s wife gets Goa'uld-napped, the blond chick from the poker game ends up dead, George, being a closet drama queen, decides to weld the Iris shut on the Stargate because O'Neill has missed his curfew AGAIN, even while SG1 and SG2 are causing all sorts of chaos out in the universe. Fortunately, right before SG1 was gonna die in the jail cell with ninety of their new best friends, Teal'c decides to rescue them.

I have to give Teal'c credit, as truthfully, I probably would have left them in the jail, as O'Neill's rather whiny. Everyone decides to take a nice, leisurely stroll toward the gate, and then Junior whips out his head and says, "I want a bigger part in the show!"

Boy, that Junior's pretty ugly. It's because of all that inbreeding, you know. I'm surprised that Junior doesn't have one big red eye in the middle of his forehead because the Goa'uld are brothers, sisters and first cousins. No genetic diversity at all, which is why Junior is such a small, ugly, little runt, unlike me! I'm the biggest, baddest symbiote in the entire universe, and if I stretch really hard...

Selmak. Do you have a point?

Yes, I'm twenty four inches long when I stretch really hard.

I seem to remember you being a small little pink thing when you blended with me.

Excuse me, aren't I supposed to be reviewing George right now? But I just have to say, if you were four thousand years old, and you had to move into your new host, COMPLETELY NAKED, on national TV, wouldn't you blush? And I made myself really small, so it would be easier on you. But you didn't appreciate it, as you kept gasping and thrashing while making nasty comments about how you were going to choke to death on little ole me!

Anyway, they make a dramatic entrance into the Gate Room, (Yes, they fall onto the ramp face first with a mighty clunk) and George has another first.

He says, "Care to Explain, Colonel O'Neill?"

George should have just taped that line, so everytime O'Neill returned from a mission, the Chevron Guy (who I call Fabio as it's so much more alluring than Norman or Walter) could just play the tape, and you'd hear George bellow, "Care to explain, Colonel O'Neill?" or "This is sure to be an interesting debriefing."

Season 1 ~ Children of the Gods

You have the opportunity here and now to choose, to become something
greater and nobler and more difficult than you have been before.

The universe does not offer such chances lightly.

George thinking about certain events back in Cheyenne, 1969.

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