Dear Sel,

July 17, 2004

Dear Sel,

Why in "Allegiance" does Jake say, "he could have..." in reference to you? Was he just in a bad mood? Having a senior moment?

-Anise (and Freya, you idiot!)

Dear Anise & Freya,

My host was not having a senior moment, and in fact, if he was having a senior moment, he is still significantly chronologically younger than YOUR host. Jake just doesn’t believe in coloring his roots when we could be beating up the bad guys!

Love,

Sel

Actually Anise & Freya, I called Selmak, “He” because of the fact that he…

SHE!!!

Selmak had really infuriated me, as she had gone carousing the night before, insisting on doing shots of Jaffa-meister with Bra’tac and Teal’c and then, having control of MY body, and being completely inebriated, proceeded to dance on top of the cafeteria table with Bra’tac and Teal’c in some sort of Jaffa Friendship ritual. The Jaffa Friendship ritual, for those that don’t know, involves gyrating with knives and staff weapons.

Waking up the next morning, I had an extremely cranky, hung over symbiote in my head who kept mumbling, “Who turned the sun on so bright today? Huh?” and “Why must you THINK so LOUD, Pookie! Think little, quiet thoughts.”

I couldn’t even think about food without hearing Selmak gag until late in the afternoon, when I discovered that during the Jaffa Friendship Ritual, somebody or somebodies HAD PROCEEDED TO REPEATEDLY FIRE THEIR STAFF WEAPON(S) AT THE CAFETERIA CEILING!

SNITCH! You can't prove it was us! The Security Cameras were the first things to go!

Fortunately, they were able to stop the fire from spreading, though apparently the highly inebriated celebrants of the Jaffa Friendship Ritual led the crowd in singing, “The Roof, The Roof, The Roof is on Fire. We don’t Need No Water, Let the stinking roof burn!”


July 17, 2004

Dear Sel,

This isn't so much a question, but a long *I feel, anyway* overdo compliment. I've heard it said that the Tok'Ra Symbiotes often feel underappreciated because The SGC'ers often ask only about their hosts and never inquire upon how the Tok'Ra Symbiotes may be feeling or what not. I'm here to tell you that is an untruth.

I'm a Captain in the USAF, but to the world within the Cheyenne Complex, I’m simply known as one of the "Assistants". In my case, I'm the Assistant to the Chief Complex Technician, my specialty being computer aided research and development, and sometimes Assistant to the Research Assistant of Dr. Jackson. And I wanted to let you know that we "Assistants" are greatly impressed by the Tok'Ra.

You always behave with the utmost of decorum and politeness and even though you may disagree with our policies, you always find time to talk to the lesser known of SGC personnel, giving us as much respect and attention as you would a member of the SG Teams. [Much more then said members ever show us Except for Dr. Jackson...Dr. Jackson rocks!] I personally have had numerous in-depth conversations with Martouf/Lantash, Aldwin and I even get along all right with Anise otherwise known to us Non-Essential personal as the "Empress of the Galactic Annoyance".

Basically I just want to point out that the Tok'ra totally rock, and I am very saddened by the breach of trust between our respective governments. I have not had the opportunity to meet you as yet, Selmak, but look forward to doing so, And I promise that I along with the rest of us "Assistants" will enquire as to your well-being just as we would that of your host!!

Sincerely,

Captain L.L.
Official Civilian Liaison to Cheyenne Mountain
a.k.a. A resident "Assistant"

Dear LL,

My mom, Egeria, always told me to be nice to everybody, because you never know when you’ll have to kiss their…

WAIT A MINUTE! Mommy didn’t tell me THAT saying!

Jake! You’re teaching me bad thoughts! But I’ve always tried to be polite to everyone, because you get more by being polite than by being nasty. Except for Anise, who apparently gets more by wearing a push up bra, but… I digress.

It’s so nice to be appreciated. Sniff… sniff… I can’t wait to look you up the next time Pookie and I are on Earth. We’ll meet for Lemonade, ok?

LEMONADE?

No JAVA. Jake Carter can’t have any coffee, remember?

Sigh. Lemonade it is!

Sel



April 30, 2004

Dear Sel,

Enjoyed the Website

Tony A.

Dear Tony A,

I'm always glad to hear that someone liked the site...Thank you for visiting! It's especially nice to hear something complimentary from someone of the male persuasion (A-HEM! Pookie - that's a hint!) Since you were our 3,000th & something visitor, that means you get a free copy of Selmak Does Broadway, in which I sing all of Pookie's favorite Broadway Show Tunes... with an unique Selmak twist... It brings tears to Jake's eyes, especially when I do "Hello, Pookie!" (instead of "Hello, Dolly!").

And if you play it backwards, you'll hear my secret message of "Delek is a Loser Boy & I can't wait until Bra'tac beats him to a pulp & I better have front row seats" in seventeen different languages.

I'll even sign it for you. T-O-N-Y...A........... oh dear .......... It couldn't be.... Is it? ... uh oh... Don't panic, Sel... It couldn't be.... Could it? I can't make out his last name....A...m....e...n...d..o...l.... oh dear!

..Shhhhhrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk..

SEL! SEL! Are you ok? I just heard this god awful shriek. It was like you got run over by one of those Caterpillar Asphalt Roller trucks, you know the ones with the big rollers that flatten out asphalt. - Jake.

... I think we've just had a visitation, Pookie! He was all glowy and stuff.... He had a goatee! And well, he didn't have an iron plate on his head, and there wasn't a cape rakishly thrown over one shoulder... but... but.... it could have been!

Glowy? Is that even a word? Selmak, you need to cut out the Tok'Ra treats. The glow is the nightlight in our cubicle.

...I'm telling you! He looked familiar! He was from that TV show that you watch.... You know the one, where the cute and cuddly, warm and fuzzy Tok'ra Symbiote hero is constantly saving her Cranky Host's life?

Selmak.... please.

... But Jake... It could have been... why don't you believe me?


February 29, 2004

Dear Sel;

Are you aware that Jake is hot?

With Love,

Lots of Female Tok'Ra-ettes

PS We think it's the bald look Selly

Dear Girls;

Uh..... I keep Jake at 98.6 degrees Farenheit. Do you think he looks feverish? As for his bald look, every morning before Jake wakes up, I shave his head. I'm glad you like the look as we had several close scrapes learning how to do it properly.

Yeah- like my missing eyebrows - Jake.

I grew them back!

Selly? I don't like that nickname. My nickname's SEL. Not Sel.

Oh- I don't know, I kinda like Selly. Jake.

Pookie, you better stay out of this, or else I'm not rescuing you from Anise next time. Just a little warning from SEL.


February 22, 2004

Dear Sel;

We were really worried about you and Pookie... err... Jake... after Deathknell. How are you two doing?

Sincerely;

Sel's Fans (who like Pookie too!)

Dear Fans;

Thanks for your concern. I'm doing much better now. Jake was a little angry with Delek, so we acted like adults and discussed our disagreements in a civilized manner. Ok. I challenged Delek to a fight to the death with Staff Weapons, but the Council said, "NOOOO" so instead they gave us wooden staff weapons.

Delek should make a full recovery. I feel sorry for his No-Named-Host (Mr. Loser Symbiote doesn't believe hosts deserve to have names, I guess) but Delek should be able to fix him shortly.

Love; Sel

PS - I just don't understand The Council's view that Jake's too strong willed as a host. I mean I now see things from Both Sides Now. Whenever I'm sad and lonely, I just pick up chin and grin, and sing...

I've looked at this from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow.
We're both Anti-Goa'uld, I recall.
I really don't get this at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud,
Jake says, 'I love, Sel' right out loud
Dreams and schemes and angry crowds,
I've looked at life that way.

But now The Council, they're acting strange,
They shake their heads, they say Sel's changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
When I blended with Jake that day.

I've looked at Earth from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's Goa'uld atrocities, I recall
I do not really understand this at all


January 10, 2004

Dear Sel;

I'm just curious. What's it like for a symbiote and host to blend?

Just Curious, Not Really Interested in Finding Out First Hand.

Dear Curious:

It really depends on the Tok'Ra Symbiote and the host involved.

For example, when I blended with Jake, I tried to make it as painfree as possible for him. I 'tranced' him down and then I created an illusion of a nice pastoral scene. You know, rolling hills of green, lots of flowers, a bright blue sky with big fluffy clouds.

Since he was standing there, looking fierce and threatening in his dress blues with all his little pins and medals, I decided to appear as a little girl. I gave myself big blue eyes and curly blond hair and I ran up to him. I held a little sign in my hands that said, "Jacob Carter?" like I was standing at the airport and I jumped up and down a lot in eager anticipation.

Honestly, I was really cute, and I don't think even Stone-Face General Carter could resist.

"Will you be my new best friend?" I asked him in a little girl voice as I jumped up and down.

"Selmak?" he growled. "What are you up to now?"

I held out my hands, and he picked me up. I was really glad that he picked me up as I was getting really tired jumping up and down. I kissed him a few times and then I told him that I was tired and that we needed to take a nap. We snuggled together underneath a big tree and we fell asleep. When we woke up, we were blended... Oh yeah... we were ALSO running for our lives as the Goa'uld were trying to smash our tunnels flat.

Sel

To hear Jake's view of blending, click here.


January 3, 2004

Dear Sel,

I am very irritated at your continued banterings concerning my husband Bra'tac. Granted I'm always on secret missions and he hardly ever sees me but I read your letters in the middle of infiltrating Anubis' base and was so angry I let out a yell which alerted the jaffa to my presence and I was nearly killed. Please have Jake suppress such comments concerning Master Bra'tac as he ought to know better than anyone about such dangers in the field.

Ma-at

Dear Ma-at;

Sweetie, three things.

Bra'tac is eye candy, nothing more, nothing less. And it is his own fault for being the debonair, exquisitely mannered, suave, elegant, well groomed...

This is Jake. Send Help! I'm drowning in sickening superlatives!...

Resistant fighter that he is. I mean if you take a look at Orpheus, even though he was in that prison camp for several months, he managed to keep his goatee nicely trimmed. Plus, he's got the cape action down cold and the lovely twinkle in his eye. Have we mentioned his smile recently? If we haven't, the way he smiles! Especially after he flips O'Neill in the dirt.

Wooooo Hoooo!

Secondly, Jake can't control me.

Thirdly, Jaffas and Tok'Ra don't mix. I mean, yes, Saroosh had that little illicit affair with... Uhm... better not mention somebody's name... but generally speaking, it's frowned upon by both camps. Though there are a few hardy souls that thrive on the 'love that dare not speak its name' between Jaffa and Tok'Ra, they are few and far between. Glad you're enjoying the site. You were our 1,000 visitor which means you get a nice handshake from Jake.

You sure about that Sel, she's waving that staff weapon around?

It's your web site, you shake her hand. I don't have any hands, remember?

Dear Sel ~ The Archives

May 2006 ~ Current

February 2006 ~ May 2006

October 2005 ~ February 2006

March 2005 ~ September 2005

August 2004 ~ March 2005

January 2004 ~ July 2004

November 2003 ~ December 2003

To email Sel and ask for her advice, please click here.

After receiving her answer, feel free to drop Jake a note and ask for a translation.