Dear Sel,

March 19, 2005

Hey Sel :-)

A suggestion for what happens to Jacob & yourself (SUPPOSEDLY!) in THREADS. Just deny it :-D I think that would be HILARIOUS if you said stuff like: "Pookie! They are saying that we're DEAD!! HAHAHAHAHA! That is soooo funny! I mean, I'm still here and alive and typing aren't I Pookie? Aren't I? Aren't I? Come on--go ahead an tell them we're not dead. heehee...what a thought! they're so silly."

"Yes yes Sel I'm still here and you, as usual, are chattering and giggling away in my head *sigh* No, I have not had the good fortune to be rid of you.."

"Pookie! How can you be so MEAN to me, your cute little symbiote? and when everyone else thinks I'm dead, too! huh! that's so mean Pookie....<sniff sniff>"

you get the idea <grin grin>--something to that effect. I just think it would be perfect, because they have no right to kill off Jacob (and you too of course Sel!) after all this time!!

Regards,
MM

Dear MM;

Jake here. I find it absolutely frightening how easily you just channeled Selmak. Have you thought of medication?

Jake

Jake- NOT NICE - Sel

Dear MM;

We're not dead. Who said we were dead? We ascended, turned glowy and are currently sipping Mai Tais by the Ascendant Pools. Janet Fraiser's here, and she sends her best. She and Pookie keep flirting and I'm trying not to intervene, but I feel like telling them to get a hotel room.

Plus that absolutely divine & delicious Peter Grodin just showed up ~ I wonder if I can have a set of Sel's Ascended Boy Toys and a set of Sel's Non-Ascended Boy Toys. I have plenty of free time now.

Love;

Sel



February 20, 2005

sel!

new sel boy toy season two in stargate atlantis !

two words - mitch pillegi!

capital-less wonder strikes again

Ppppppppprrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..... I think I'm going to have to redo my site now.... Prrrrrrrrrrrr.......Sel

Oh-puhleez, Selmak! Stop drooling! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! - Jake

 


February 15, 2005

Dear Sel,

I am entirely blaming you for the fact that when I saw Don S. Davis at a Stargate Convention last weekend, (the one in Virginia), the phrase "Boy Toy" kept popping into my head. You also get the blame for my urge to shout "Hathor's a cheap tart!" every now and then (I really laughed at the Jake review where Jake is trying to save Sam from drowning and Selmak is using her "super secret" Tok'ra passwords).

T

Dear T,

I'm sure that if you screamed "Boy Toy" at Don at a convention, he would take it as the well-deserved compliment it is intended to be. His wife, on the other hand, might want to give you a stern talking to. So I'd suggest a little bit of caution before you call him a "Boy Toy" in front of several hundred of your new friends, else he might not be able to play with us anymore, and I've got tixs for the NJ Con.

As for laughing at my "Super Secret" Tok'Ra Passwords - don't laugh, they were real Goa'uld Passwords that I had utilized in my previous incarnations as a Top Secret Tok'Ra Operative. My personal all time favorite was Chronos' - "Ra is a Girlie Man".

Love;

Sel

PS - If anyone actually calls Don a "Boy Toy" , this website will self-destruct in 5....4....3...2......


February 4, 2005

Dear Sel;

You think you're so smart. But you've got competition now! Ask Sen'il over at gateworld.net. Everyone will be sending her their petty problems to deal with!

Buh-ha-ha-ha-ha;

Ba'al

Dear Ba'al.

I'm shaking in my boots right now.

NOT.

I'm going to diversify now to keep my audience! I'm going to offer makeup hints! Book reviews! Vacation Hot Spots!

Besides Senile thinks she's a Goddess ~ Ha! Selmak calls Senile as she truly is!

A dried up, Goa'uld Has-Been Drama Queen! You know, Senile, you're looking a little haggard there.

Selmak


January 28, 2005

sel!

i know he has hair, but there's a new hottie to add to your group...

ben browder! 'nuff said! :)

ben browder fan but as long as there are no caps involved

dear capital-less wonder who loves ben browder,

first, sel still hasn't forgiven you for getting her hooked on farscape [as she can still remember screaming when they turned john and aeryn into sugar cubes and then cancelled the series] but she has to agree. yum, yum, yum ~ except he's far too young for me. sel likes her boys slightly more mature and well, truthfully, follicularly challenged, that way we don't have to worry about our hair when we're fighting. i mean, it's really hard to beat up goa'ulds when your host is constantly fixing his curly hair to fall in a certain way so the girls go crazy over that one askew curl. (ahem malek?) And you've seen tok'ra barbie's hair. she used to spend hours on her hair, and she forced me look at color charts whenever she decided to change the color. i kept suggesting puce, but she wouldn't go for it.

love;

sel


January 9, 2005

Hi Selmak!

I've never written to a Tok'Ra before... 'course that's because I am a Tok'ra. I wish I was as famous and cool as you. Anyway what was it like blending with your other hosts? I'd like to hear your side and Jacob's side.

(Since he has past host memories as well)

Yours sincerely,

John & Shaltar

Dear John & Shaltar;

Hi guys! You're Shaltar's new best friend, right, John? Next time you're in the tunnels, just stop by my little cubicle (I'm the 3rd one on the Right after the 2nd Turn on the 3rd level!) and say "Hi!". I'll put Pookie on hold and we can chat about Tok'Ra stuff (badmouth Delek) & we can eat Tok'Ra treats.

Since you're a Tok'Ra, you know how confusing it was when Shaltar is in a new host. Your depth perception is off, you've got a headache like you've been on an universal-size bender, and things just aren't where they're supposed to be.

[John - that's why most symbiotes pick one sex for their hosts and stick with it, because it's confusing enough moving into a new best friend, but when you have to figure all the stray stuff that happens because your new best friend has an Y chromosome or an extra X chromosome, it gets rather confusing.)

For example, when I merged with Saroosh, we got along great as well she was HEALTHY (Unlike a certain host I could mention now by the name of Pookie) ~ I just jumped into her mouth, took up residence before she could finish saying "Hello". (You know that line, "You had me at Hello" ~ That's actually a Tok'Ra Saying). Fortunately she was female, as was my previous host (Oh dear, I'm getting sniffly thinking of them... sniff, sniff...) so we got along very well.

You really think I'm cool and famous? Really? Really? REALLY?!?!?

[SQQUEEEEEE!!!! Selmak shrieks loudly, echoing loudly inside Jake's Brain!]

Love,

Sel

Dear John, Jake here.,

The oldest and wisest Tok'Ra symbiote happens to have a pretty bad recall of what happened on previous blendings. I actually rummaged through her brain to find out what it was like for her previous hosts.

Saroosh, she was such a nice, sweet lady who was completely overwhelmed by Selmak's personality.

No, she wasn't! You don't say stuff like that! You make sound like a Goa'uld! I didn't overwhelm her! I loved her! She was very bestest friend until you showed up! And I think you're not as bestest friend to me as she was! ~ Sel

Bestest Friend? Is that even a word except in the Land of Selmak?

Anyway, Saroosh's blending was problematic as Selmak insisted on examining her new body in the mirror before they were completely blended. She stood in front of the mirror singing:

I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight.

I feel charming,
Oh, so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel!
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real.

See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!

Before collapsing in a dead faint on the bed by overtaxing her new bestest friend.

That's NOT TRUE! She tripped! She tripped! ~ Sel

Please feel free to stop by and chat any time, John. I'll warn you about your new bestest friend's little quirks. ~ Jake


December 26, 2004

Hey there! I dont really have a question, i just wanted to say that of all the characters on stargate, selmak is my fav! i fell in love with selmak when he/she was within sahrush, and since the blending of jacob and selmak, well the character has grown on me even more,. the air of wisdom that preceeds selmak is wonderful, and i dont think we see enough of the jacob/selmak entity, thats all i had to say, i hope to see the two of them in many more episodes to come.

Sincerely with love,

Preston

Dear Preston,

I want to thank you for a very nice letter. There's not much I can comment on in your note, but it obvious to me that you're a wonderful person and you've got extraordinary taste.

Thank you for the very nice letter. Wasn't that a very nice email, Jake? It's so much better than, "I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR SITE."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX;

Sel


December 19, 2004

Dear Selmak,

I'm just curious. Where are your headquarters located?

Sincerely;

Concerned.

Dear Concerned,

Right now, Selmak.org is in the process of moving its headquarters as we've been infiltrated. As soon as we're done loading up 75 pages of html coding and finish sending it through the 'gate, we'll let you know.

But first I have to fix Pookie's foot as he dropped a page on his foot.

Love;

Sel

PS - Am I in Big Trouble?

PPS - Did I win the lottery? Is that why you're looking for me?

PPPS - You do know that Selmak.org is tongue in cheek, right? I really hope you're not sending Bruno and Guido to break every little bone in my cute & cuddly, warm and fuzzy, little symbiotic body.

PPPPS - Yes, a little Tok'Ra operative told me you were asking. They're everywhere, you know, as we're a stealthy bunch. Fortunately, she signed my non-disclosure agreement and suffered complete amnesia.

PPPPPS - Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays to you and yours from all of us in the Tok'Ra Tunnels!

Selmak


November 26, 2004

dear sel,

we were wondering, what's new? what have ya been doing during the exile?yeah - i don't like using caps - so what's your problem?

dear capital-less wonder,

i've been busy surfing the net. i've also tried to be a good girl as santa symbiote is coming. he better come soon as i'm about to fall apart from the stress of being a good little symbiote!

i've also fallen in deep fascination with a new boy toy. he's that hottie john m. jackson. i mean look at him, he could easily be one of sel's boy toys, right? I mean, he's got the hairline, and he looks really yummy in that flight suit that he wears in that 100,000,000,000,000 heroes movie that carmen is in (where carmen lands the plane with moses and d-day from animal house). I haven't told jake yet as he makes fun of me whenever i have a crush on somebody besides him.

sel


November 26, 2004

Dear Sel,

I think it's fairly suspicious that I have never seen you, Carmen, Tony and Don in the same photo. Yes, I've seen you with Tony and I've seen you with Don, but I really want to see proof that the four of you exist.

Doubting Thomas

Dear Tommy!

Take a look! Yes, it's the only picture of Me, Don, Tony & Carmen.

Love;

Sel

Don, Sel, Tony & Carmen at some sort of Official Stargate Thing.
note: picture taken right before the boys screamed for security & Sel got removed.


August 27, 2004

Dear Sel,

If queen goa'uld symbiotes are so large when they are in tanks, why are their hosts so petite i.e. Hathor and Sha're?

Also, why are there no Tok'ra queens?

Wanting to Know.

Dear WTK;

Ok. I guess I have to take this time to explain everything to Jake also, so let me get my little book out, How to Talk to Your Tau'Ri Host about Symbiote Sex. Ok, Jake, I think you're old enough to me to talk to you about the Birds and the Bees, and the Good Snakes and the Bad Snakes.

You see what happens first is the Queen decides that she needs a little... what did O'Neill call them? Oh yes... a man friend.... so she goes to the local Goa'uld Bar and she hangs out looking for Mr. Right. Mr. Man Friend decides that he likes what he sees, as most Goa'uld Queens are tramps (See Hathor) and Ms. Tramp decides that she'd to procure the Code from her new little manfriend. (The difference with the Tok'Ra is that Mom met her man friend someplace respectable like a volunteer group or church. Then only after a long courtship & a nice church wedding, did Mom and Pop decide to have a couple broods of 2,000 cute and cuddly, warm and fuzzy symbiotes.)

To procure the code, the male whips out....

NOOOOO! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!!!

His arm... [I don't know why Jake was so worried] and the female takes a blood sample. From this Blood Sample, she's able to confirm that he's bug-free and that the two codes are compatable. She then takes another needle and she drains the guy of a few quarts of blood. Then she goes home and using her little Goa'uld-Mad Scientist Chemistry Set (if she's a tramp, or a test tube beaker if she was Mom), extracts the man friend's DNA and combines it with hers, adding a pinch of Miracle Gro. She then jumps into a hot tub where she sits until her little packages of Miracle Gro-DNA has spawned into symbiotes.

That's how little Symbiotes are made.

Sel - I wasn't asking that. I was asking why the Female Goa'ulds are so petite.

Because they can't run very fast as they are weak, little puny things. If they had any muscle, they'd get away!

Why aren't there any Tok'Ra Queens?

Because they were chopped up and turned in Tretonin! WAAAAAAAA


August 22, 2004

Selmak, why do you not serve Inepw (Anubis)? He is all powerful, I have seen his mighty acts myself.

P.S. Tell O'Neill of the Tau'ri to send more Fruit Loops, I ran out.

Her'ak, First Prime of Inepw

Dear Her'ak;

It's hard to take someone seriously when he looks like a walking, talking carpet.

Love;

Sel


August 22, 2004

Dear Sel;

In watts per second, how much power does it take to power the stargate?

For a normal address.

Sincerely;

Tovtoo

Dear Tovtoo;

You again?

1.21 Jigawatts. That's why George is always harping about the fact that it takes 1 Billion dollars to turn the lights on at the SGC.

Love;

Sel

August 17, 2004

Dear Sel;

I thought Symbiotes took on the gender of their hosts. Isn't this true?

Sincerely;

Tovtoo

PS - that means you should be MALE.

Dear Tovtoo;

It is, but since I was in female hosts up until now (and i can't tell you
how long that was... but it was thousands upon thousands of years and I've
only been in Jake for five years) I still view things as a female. :)

I mainly do it to tease him as he gets flustered easily.

Besides everybody knows that boys think with a different lobe than girls! I have to get used to way Pookie thinks, the way he walks, sniff...sniff...the way he yells at me when I'm trying to be the Best Little Symbiote a Grouchy Tau'Ri Could Ever Want.

Thanks for writing!

Sel

I have a few more questions. Do the goa'uld or jaffa require sleep?

Well, I don't know about my Goa'uld "cousins", but I need to sleep in order
to be in tip-top form to heal Jake each time he gets injured. As for Jake,
he needs eight hours of sleep a night, else he gets crankier...and when Jacob gets cranky, EVERYBODY gets cranky!

Also, why do goa'uld's eyes glow? Can they control it or does it just happen like when they get angry or something?

Well, the truth of the matter is, it's rather mundane. When I'm in charge of the body, I have to flip the little lever from Pookie to Selmak. Since it is really dark inside Jake's head (as there aren't any windows) I have to turn on a light in order to see. People see that little light as the eyes flashing.

Really?

"This little light of Mine! I'm gonna let it shine..."

I don't believe you.

Oh. I don't think you liked that answer. Ok - it's because whenever I take over Jacob's brain, I put it into overdrive - and you know when you put your car into overdrive the little light comes on to remind you that you're in overdrive. That's why!

I don't believe you.

Boy, Tovtoo is a really tough audience. Ok. Usually strong emotions cause our eyes to flash, unless we need to see in the dark. It's like having a built in flashlight. Plus it irks O'Neill to no end. He shivers and shakes and whines, "I HATE when you do that..." whenever I flash the highbeams.

I have a couple more questions.

More? Are you related to Jacob? Sammy always asks questions constantly. She's never happy unless she's asking a question.

Yes, more! Why did the Tok'Ra and Tau'Ri Alliance break up? Do you think that it's permanent?

The Tok'Ra and Tau'Ri Alliance broke up mainly because well... <small voice> We've lost a lot of our little Tok'Ras and Tok'Ra-ettes since SG-1 showed up. People get scared, especially when you lose your best friend for thousands and thousands of years!

Another question.

ANOTHER?

Yes. You keep mentioning that you have to save Jacob from Anise? Why is this?

Because Anise is a little Tok'Ra Tramp and she'd give my innocent Jacob quite the education. He'd walk around limping and looking rather stunned and I'd have to explain EVERYTHING to him. He's not old enough for that lesson yet. Maybe in another fifty or so years.

Thanks for writing!

Love Sel

Wait! I have another question.

You do?

Yes! One shot from a Zat'nik'tel stuns, two shots kill.

After being shot once, how long would someone have to wait before he can be shot again without getting killed?

Uhm... if you keep asking questions, we could find out!


August 17, 2004

Dear Sel;

One question - POOKIE?

Marya

Yes, I call Jake, Pookie. I wanted to call him Snooky or Snookums, but I
knew he wouldn't agree to it. Pookie's my term of endearment for him.

Thanks for writing;

Love;

Sel!

Actually she calls me Pookie as she's so old she forgets my name a lot. Sometimes she even calls me Saroosh.

Thanks for writing! I'm glad I could answer that question for you!

Jake

THAT'S NOT TRUE! THAT'S SO NOT NICE!

SELMAK


August 17, 2004

Dear Sel

As my favorite symbiote in the whole world er universe I would like to say that your site is a hoot and a half (thats Texican Tau'ri for great by the way)

Debi

Dear Debi

YEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! That's Tok'Ra for WAY COOL!

See Jake! People do like my site!

Thanks for writing!

Love;

Sel

Dear Sel ~ The Archives

May 2006 ~ Current

February 2006 ~ May 2006

October 2005 ~ February 2006

March 2005 ~ September 2005

August 2004 ~ March 2005

January 2004 ~ July 2004

November 2003 ~ December 2003

To email Sel and ask for her advice, please click here.

After receiving her answer, feel free to drop Jake a note and ask for a translation.