When Selmak Met Jake

There are a lot of you out there that wondered what happened in the first few days when Selmak met Jake. I was rather nervous about him, to be honest. I never had a male host before and everyone knows that males think differently than females. Anyway, we left Earth and we returned to our new set of tunnels.

I was really excited about introducing my new host to everyone, but we had a problem because he nearly ended up @ss over teakettle when he exited the rings. Little did I realize that was a forewarning of what was to come. Perhaps I was too excited about introducing my host to everyone, as Jake seemed a little overwhelmed when I introduced him to two hundred different hosts and symbiotes. Then Anise and her crowd started waving at him, and he waved back!

"They're awfully friendly," he thought innocently.

"Because you're fresh meat, Carter. Ignore them!" I informed him quickly.

Then he wanted to take a nice long bath, so I directed him to where they're located. They're always in the same location in every tunnel. Then he realized that I was female, so he was kinda embarrassed. I ignored it, as I wanted to prove to him that I was the best little symbiote he'd ever want, so he manfully took his bath, while doing everything but mentally scream at me to cover my eyes. I scared the hell outta him because I saw a mole on his ankle, and I was a little over zealous about fixing it.

"What's THAT? I'll fix it! I'll fix it right now! I'll get rid of it RIGHT NOW!"

Then he dropped his soap because he didn't know what I was fixing on him. Anise then jumped into the bathtub and offered to soap his back for him. Needless to say, I don't know who screamed louder, Jake or me, but I'm sure you could hear us through all the tunnels. We ran to our cubicle, and Jake was surprised to realize that the Tok'Ra don't believe in doors because Anise tried to trap him in a corner. After fighting her off, Jake decided it was time for a nap. Then he realized that the Tok'Ra also believe in really uncomfortable stone couches, but he tried to put on a stiff upper lip and deal with it.

I asked him all sorts of questions. I offered to play Tok'Ra'Scrabble or Tok'Ra'Opoly with him but he didn't want to play. I proposed letting me sing him a lullaby, but he didn't want that. That was pretty good because I don't know the words to a lullaby. I suggested letting me make him dinner but he wasn't hungry. In time, Jake realized that I really wanted to talk to him in order to get to know him, so we chatted for a bit. Finally he asked me if I had an 'off' switch.

"An off switch?" I asked.

"I want to change out of my fatigues. Do you have an off switch?" Jake asked.

Jake's just so cute when he's embarrassed. So, I told him I did, and he turned me off. I was a good little symbiote and even made an audible CLICK when he did that. Then I kept my eyes closed for the longest time and then finally I had to say something.

"Jake? Can you turn me back on please? I'm getting tired of sitting in the dark."

Then I let him go to sleep, because I had real problems. What the heck was Jake going to wear? He was taller than Saroosh and well; he didn't have her figure... That's when I knew I had to call in the Big Guns for help. The Symbiotic Eye for the Host Guy Team. I flashed the emergency beacon up on the wall of the tunnels and before long the fab five were in my cubicle and going through Saroosh's wardrobe.

I'm so glad you guys got here so quickly. It's an emergency!"

"Ah.... Sel's got a new host. Everybody, Selmak needs a group hug," said the head Symbiotic Guy.

"Better not," I sniffled. "I'll start crying because I'll think of Saroosh."

"Don't cry, dear, it'll make your host's face look all blotchy," said the facial Tok'Ra. "I see he takes good care of his hands, so that's a plus.

Can Carson Tok'Ra save Pookie from Saroosh's wardrobe?

Tok'Ra Eye for the Host Guy

"Don't cry, cupcake. Ted's made something to cheer you up!" Thom Tok'ra informed me.

"I don't know if even Tok'ra Treats will cheer me up," I whimpered.

"Now, now, Sel, it can't be that bad that even a little cheese, wine and Ted's Tok'Ra Truffles can't cure," Ted said.

"Your truffles? Maybe one or two might cheer me up," I admitted.

"Does he have a pony tail? I'll cut it off RIGHT now," said the Hair Dude.

"Ah... no... but it's getting a little long, how about we give him a crew cut?" I suggested helpfully.

"I'm looking at this green outfit hanging neatly in the closet. It screams... strict and stern... and grouch. Very Regimented. These boots are very, very tight-laced. This side holster... Sel... I think you got a naughty little boy here, just waiting for you to loosen him up!"

"Do you think you can get him a wardrobe by tomorrow morning? The problem is... he's male," I informed them.

"We know, Selmak. It's all over the Tunnels that you got yourself a little Boy Toy," Ted teased.

"He's not a Boy Toy, he's my host," I reminded them.

"Lighten up dearie, let's see what we can do. I see something... flowing... I see natural fibers... " Carson put his hands on his head and then jumped up and down excitedly. "I see SILK, Selmak!!"

"Silk?" I asked hopefully.

"We're getting rid of the green. I'm thinking taupe..."

"Brown?" I questioned, as I couldn't really tell the difference, but I didn't want to tell the Fab Five that.

"No... taupe...there's a big difference. I see a black hat with a silver tassels. Ok, while I'm working on that, someone else can chime in."

"I'm thinking lots and lots of throw pillows.... I'm thinking...throw rugs...Nice blankets... perhaps a futon instead of that uncomfortable stone couch. Well, we can't make it too comfortable else Anise will want to try it out," said the interior decorator Tok'Ra.

The Fab Five gave a collective shudder and muttered darkly, "Tok'Ra Tramp."

"I can't believe what she did at the holiday party," said the interior designer.

"No, she didn't," chimed in one of the Fab Five.

"Oh yes, she did, girl friend," chimed in the Fashion guru.

There was a collective gasp of shocked surprise from the rest of the group.

"I don't know why Garshaw puts up with her," muttered the Culture Tok'Ra Liaison.

It was several hours later when the Fab Five were finished. Jake was still sleeping, so I gave the boys a big hug and a kiss for their help. Then I snuggled closer to Jake's spinal column and I rubbed my nose against it as I had an itch. That taken care of, I began whispering hints to my new friend.

"Selmak's your new best friend. Be nice to Selmak as she misses Saroosh. Don't yell at Selmak. Buy Selmak lots of Tok'Ra Treats. Selmak's your new best friend..."

I know a lot of you were wondering how the makeover went. It was a bit too successful.

Jake woke up the next morning to find all of Tok'Ra-Ville in his cubicle admiring his new furniture and his new duds. I can't repeat what he said, but it consisted of a lot of )!@()!@)$!()#&$$&*!^$@ words.