Sel Reviews Master Bra'tac

My goodness! His helm isn't surgically attached to his head!


Ah, Jacob? That's my ink jet cartridge, not the tretonin.


Season 6 ~ The Changeling

This is a hard episode for me to review, as it pretty much takes place all in Teal’c head.

One moment, he’s in the SGC, then he’s a firefighter. Bra’tac is involved in his hallucinations, and he appears as both Bra’tac and Bray. Teal’c or T as he’s called when he’s playing firefighter, has given his kidney to Bray, who is rejecting it.

After a rather confusing time in which Apophis shows up wearing that cute little skirt outfit of his, we find out that neither of Teal’c visions are true.

In fact, both are hallucinations. Fortunately, the Ascended Doctor Daniel Jackson decided to make a house call, and he convinced Teal’c of that very same thing. We find out that both Bra’tac and Teal’c are dying, and Junior is on his last flipper, as apparently the two of them have been sharing Junior between them.

Next thing you know, they’re calling for us to help. When we get there, I’m surprised by what I see.

Yes, both of them looked pretty bad. ~ Jake

No, Bra’tac’s Iron Helm has been removed! All this time I thought it was surgically attached.

Sigh. ~ Jake

Jake immediately gives hope to the concerned SGC by handing over some Tretonin, ground up Goa’uld, that has been specifically formulated for the Jaffa physique. Fortunately, it’s now available in the generic form so my little brothers and sisters don’t have to get chop up anymore for it.

But first, Pookie nearly gave them my ink cartridge!

That’s my ink cartridge, Pookie! Why are you giving them it? Are you planning on inking the boys? Giving them a Tattoo that says, I love Sel?

Naturally, Jacob yells at me. Why did I bring an empty ink cartridge with me to Earth? Gripe. Gripe. Gripe.

I ran out, I needed some more and I always forget the number! All right!

Jake yells at me again, (do you notice a pattern here) and then he hands Janet the Tretonin (Generic), warning her it might not work.

“What do we do then, Jake? What if it doesn’t work?”

Jake made a rather crude comment about getting another stretcher. Apparently, he thought it would be pretty funny to see me jumping from Bra'tac to Teal'c to Pookie, trying to keep all three of them alive until the Tok’Ra came up with another solution.

I’m not getting into his womb!

Someone made a disparaging comment about me eating too many Tok’Ra Treats and becoming a super-sized Symbiote.


Oh my god, I think I’ve been pistol whipped. ~ Jake

Nope, Tale Whipped. Don’t you ever make a comment like that again! I’d like to see you when you’re four thousand years old, I’m sure you have a little middle-age spread, Mr. High Metabolism Helped by a Certain Symbiote. I’m a little sensitive about my weight. Besides, I don’t want to go into his womb, it’s dark, and it’s cramped, and I can’t read. It’s also lonely. Because there’s no one to talk to, unless they trance down really, really far, and… sniff… sniff…. It’s really dark. It's gonna be cramped and I'm claustrophobic... and I won't be able to work on your website.

Sel, I think I have whiplash. ~ Jake

Deal with it, I’m not happy with you. Sniff… sniff…

Fortunately, the Tretonin (Generic) works wonderfully well with both boys.

In time, I went to visit Bra’tac.

“Bra’tac, old friend, it is time to speak of debts owed,” I reminded him.

He nodded his head, and made a Jaffa comment about him owing me his life, blood oaths, matter of personal honor, yada yada yada.

“Bra’tac, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about MONEY. The Poker Game on the Alpha Site? I’m planning on going on vacation, and I need the cash. American Money, remember? Five hundred dollars, remember?”

It was amazing, as Bra’tac unexpectedly had a relapse and had to return to his bed.