Sel Reviews Master Bra'tac

 

Naturally, since Teal'c is busy playing Freedom Fighter,
Bra'tac is forced to deal with the bratty teenage woes of Ryac.

Bra'tac remembers why he's glad he doesn't have kids.

Season 6 ~ Redemption

First things first. The kids. I mean. the Tau'Ri have created a sweet little spaceship by the name of X-303. You'd think after the problem with the X-302 they would have said, "Hey - let's get that Cute & Cuddly, Warm & Fuzzy Symbiote & her cranky Host on standby before we give it a test drive just in case we end up outta the Solar System." but nooo, someone didn't learn ANYTHING from THAT experience.

SELMAK! Get on with the review! ~ Jake

Ok, Pookie, on with the review. Super Cool Bra'tac comes through the Chappa'ai to tell Teal'c that Teal'c's wife, Drey'auc, is dying. Her symbiote has matured, and she's refusing to take another one.

Sniff. Sniff. That's so noble, yet so sad. SNIFF. Quick, Jake, I need a hanky!

Sel, you need a set of hands to hold the hanky. ~ Jake

Well, Pook, isn't that your job description? I think I have it here.

JOB DESCRIPTION - JACOB CARTER

  1. Answers to Pookie and other terms of Host endearment.

    Check.
  2. Required to know html in order to do all of Selmak's web coding.

    Check.
  3. Does all of Selmak's heavy lifting.

    Check.
  4. Action hero when required - is NOT supposed to get hurt in every adventure.

    Complete & total failure in this objective.
  5. Laughs at all of Selmak's jokes, especially the really old, old, old, old ones.

    Check.
  6. Eats enough fiber for two.

    Gotta work on that, Pook.
  7. Gives Selmak plenty of Tok'Ra Treats.

    Ahem. Gotta work on that one too, Pookie.
  8. Does other duties as required including, and not limited to holding a hanky for Selmak when she needs to sniffle.

    Ahem? Do you have a hanky ready? I don't see one!

Sigh. ~ Jake

Sniff. sniff. Thank you.

Ok, back to the review. Teal'c gets there too late, his wife is dead, and his son hates him! We really should have been there for this, Pookie, you've been through this. You could have continued that conversation you were having with him in "Seth" you know, where love between a father and son gets complicated. But fortunately for Pookie, everything has gotten so much better since Selmak showed up and straightened out your personal life.

Right, Pookie?

Yeah, so much better, Sel. ~ Jake

Rya'c is hitting Bra'tac pretty hard with a staff weapon when Super Cool Bra'tac stops him. It's a really good thing that Bra'tac's around (Since Jake and I weren't) as he is able to counsel both Bra'tac and Rya'c.

Brata'c: "Let him mourn."

Teal'c: "He has grown to hate me."

Brata'c: "He does not. Nor does he truly believe our cause is futile. Drey'auc would not allow it."

Teal'c: "Then why does he speak as he does."

Brata'c: "Self-doubt. Since the day Apophis brainwashed him, he has believed his own mind is weak."

Teal'c: "It is not true."

Brata'c: "You were no different at his age. After the death of your father at the hands of Cronus, fear almost consumed you. Like Rya'c, it was desire for vengeance that gave you strength."

Teal'c: "Rya'c misplaces his blame."

Brata'c: "He directs his malice toward you because you doubt him as much as he doubts himself."

Teal'c: "Why would he believe such a thing?"

Brata'c: "Because you are his father and you have not told him otherwise."

Meanwhile, Jack and Sam are trying to contact the Asgard but they fail to get into orbit as they forgot to bring change for the Toll Booth. No, it's actually because the Naquadria reactor doesn't work and the subspace window isn't stable.

Fortunately, a Jaffa warrior informs Teal'c and Bra'tac of the fact that Anubis is gonna blow up Earth and they decide they can't allow that to happen. Yay!

After playing eenie, meanie, minie moe, catch the System Lord by the toe, Bra'tac decides he knows which planet Anubis' Super Duper Stargate Blow Up device is on. So the boys decide to hop the next flight to the planet and do some damage. Naturally Rya'c wants to play too, and after far too much, "But I wanna go too!" Rya'c is allowed to come along. (Boy! He sounds just like Jake!)

The boys ring down, and there's a major fire fight. Bra'tac is just so totally cool as he's flipping his staff weapon around and zapping the bad guys! What grace! What agility! What motion! And he doesn't get his cape dirty at all! In fact, I don't even think he's breaking into a sweat! Oh! Be still my little beating heart!

Groan. Quit wriggling. You're making me nauseous. ~ Jake

You're just jealous because the only time I let you play with a staff weapon, you nearly wiped out six little Tok'Ra-ettes. I tried to teach you my secret little Selmak moves, but you had to have control over the body, and you nearly shot them! I wouldn't have minded if it was Delek, but I've known Squiggly and Wiggly for centuries! You just don't have Bra'tac's eye-hand coordination, that's all.

Or his cape.

Or the twinkle in his eye.

Grrrr.

EEEEK! Did you hear that? I wonder if it was a bear! It sounded like a really big bear and he'd probably inhale Jake! Anyway, Poor little Rya'c gets zapped in his shoulder. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was related to Pookie, as Pookie usually gets zapped in his shoulder at least once or twice in every episode. Naturally, Rya'c whines and wants to know why he got hurt. Teal'c gives him a long song and dance about moving targets and Bra'tac brings everyone back to reality with his comment of, "It helps if you are lucky".

Tee hee! Tee hee! Bra'tac is just sooo funny.

Sigh. ~ Jake

Stop rolling your eyes, Jake. One day I'm gonna leave 'em like that.

The boys split up after this. Teal'c & Bra'tac are then captured!

Oh no!

And the gate's still gonna blow up! The SGC decides to strap the gate onto the X303 and send it into an unstable wormhole. They get rid of it just before it explodes! Meanwhile, Rya'c has gotten his hands on a glider and is busy firing at the Super Duper Stargate Exploder Device. He blows it up real good, as everybody knows in every episode, the answer to everything is to blow it up real good! Good guys win! Yahooo!!!