Jacob Carter ~ Reviews

When we last left our heroes in Exodus, we destroyed a solar system (Very Cool!) and got slingshot into another section of the universe (Not so cool!), meaning that we're over one hundred years away from home, and the only other person in the area is that creepy Apophis.

Jake, we ain't inviting him in for tea and crumpets.

Apophis threatens to kill us, but fortunately another ship comes in and starts attacking him. We take this chance to limp away so we can do major repairs on our... well... Jack's... ship.

There's a lot of sparkling conversation between Jack and Jacob, as both boys seem to thrive on pissing the other off, and I debate the wisdom of muzzling both of them. It's gonna be a very long 125 years if I have to listen to Jack O'Neill.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Re'Nal, Tok'Ra councilor is telling George Hammond that I'm DEAD. I've been declared a fallen war hero.

I've got three rather BIG problems with this.

1. I'M NOT DEAD!

2. POOKIE IS A FALLEN WAR HERO ALSO - that is, if I were dead, so she should be saying "Selmak and Pookie are fallen war heroes."

3.When they declared me dead, those Tok'Ra Tunnel Rats divided up my stuff. So who ever took my autographed picture of Bra'tac better give it back. NOW! (I know it was you, Anise, so hand it back now and there better not be any drool on it.) I also want my pillows and my blankets back.

Meanwhile, we're having far too much fun as we've got Apophis, Jaffas and Replicators, oh my!

Jacob and I get to play commando and we shoot a lot of bad bugs. Notice the grin on Jacob's face, I guess I should let him have more fun like this, but I worry about him getting hurt. But once again, my Jacob escapes with not even a scratch! I'm so proud of him, even if he isn't a fallen war hero. He's my live war hero, and that's enough for anybody, right, Pookie?

Uhmm... Pookie, you're supposed to agree with me on that. You're supposed to say, Yes, being Selmak's living war hero is enough honor for anyone.

Prrrrrr...

Oops, I think I overdosed him on the host-nip. Jake will be taking a nice long nap now, so I hope nobody was expecting too much from him on this review.

Ok - to wrap this up quickly, pretty much we shoot a lot of bugs, we shoot a lot of Jaffas, we crash Apophis' mothership into a planet, and old Burnt Face is Toast.

Hopefully. He has a tendency of showing up like a bad penny.

SELMAK: KREE! LORD APOPHIS! I AM SELMAK OF THE TOK'RA, COMMANDER OF THIS SHIP.

That's me, telling Apophis that I'm in charge. Naturally, Jack whines about that.

JACK: Commander?

JACOB: You wanna bicker about rank now?

SAM: There's not enough time to fix the hyperdrive is there?

JACOB: We're going to have to hope the sub light engines get us far enough away!

SAM: That's only going to matter if the replicators can't shut off the auto destruct.

JACOB: Unless they learn to reprogram a Goa'uld computer rather quickly.

SAM: It's possible. If they get control of that ship ...

JACK: HEY!!! You guys are just being too negative!

JACOB: We're not going to make it!

DANNY: We're going as fast as we can!

JACOB: All right! Shut down the engines! Avert all power to the shields.

DANNY: Be my GUEST!

JACOB: That was close.

JACK: I believe someone said ... we're not gonna make it.

JACOB: (I'm telling Pookie to ignore Jack as only Pookie's allowed to be a smart ass on MY ship) Sam, let's get the hyperdrive running.

JACK: Excuse me. I distinctly remember someone saying "We're not going to make it!" I think we made it.

JACOB: I'm sorry I overreacted. At the time it seemed we weren't going to make it.

JACK: Yes! Well, next time, maybe we'll just wait and see.

JACOB: And blow my last chance I'll ever have to being right?

JACK: (As Jacob passes by him) What?

SAM: Welcome to MY life!

JACK: (Turns to watch her go) WHAT?!


DANNY: We were starting to worry you guys wasn't gonna make it.

JACOB:(To Danny) I didn't say it, though.


Team is discussing the need to blow up the engine crystals in order to cause the ship to crash.

DANNY: (The area where the crystals are) is bug central, probrably.

JACK: So we plant C4.

SAM: The bugs could disable the detonator by the time we leave and set it off.

JACK: What are you saying?

SAM: To be sure, we would have to PHYSICALLY destroy the crystals ourselves. A P90 at close range would do the job.

JACK: Oh, no! Now, see? That doesn't sound like a g ...

JACOB: You got a better idea? Mr. Positive?


Jacob Whumping

None. He's in rare form. He's also being a real action hero, shooting at the Bad Bugs... and most importantly, not getting hurt! Jake's also giving Jack O'Neill pointers on being mouthy, and it's all I could do not to give Jacob a dozen wet symbiote kisses on his brain stem after each verbal victory with Jack O'Neill. So what I did was I saved them up until we got back to the tunnels, and we got MOST of our stuff back from the thieving Tunnel Rats.

Then I gave him a baker's dozen of Selmak's Super Duper Wet Symbiotic Kisses on his little brainstem, and he collapsed into our bed, face down, completely zonked out. Apparently I shot his endorphin levels through the ceiling. I think I better be careful when I kiss him on his brain stem, as Jacob didn't move for a week, even when Anise tried climbing into to bed to give him a little mouth to mouth.

But Pookie didn't yell at me when he woke up. He just wore this cute little smile on his face for the next month.

Season 5 ~ Enemies

Jake - if I've got to listen to Jack for 125 years, I'm going to kill him.

Pookie goes commando!

So, this Tok'ra goes into a bar and meets a Jaffa. She says...