Jacob Carter ~ Reviews

Anyway, doesn't Jacob look so mild mannered and sweet on this picture on the right, where he's threatening Danny with a fate worse than death? Pookie needs to calm down, as he's threatened O'Neill, Jackson and Martouf/Lantesh with Zat induced castration. Sam's never gonna get a date with him acting like that, though I really think warning Lantesh was necessary.

Anyway, SG-1 shows up with a slightly used mothership and they kindly offered a trade. Jake and I give them flying lessons, and they agreed to be a U-Haul truck and help relocate all the little Tok'Ra's to a new, safe base as that @#@$%@#$% Tanith is a two faced lying snake in the grass who's been selling us out to Apophis.

Times like this, I wish I had hands so I could choke him. Like a Chicken!

Ahh.. Jake here, I better take over the review as the Serene Selmak is getting a little riled. Due to a really inept security detail (which will be critiqued at the next Tok'Ra High Council meeting), Tanith escapes and warns Apophis.

Selmak and my daughter have a quick chat, in which Selmak ask Sam if she's interested in blowing up a solar system, as that way we can wipe out most of Apophis' fleet. I love listening to the two women in my life chat about the small joys in life, such as turning a sun into a supernova. Remind me never to get them mad at me.

I'll remind you!!!!! - Sel.

Sel's back now and giving her review. Teal'c and O'Neill decide to chase after Tanith, and naturally everything goes to hell in a handbasket. We get shot at and...well... just watch the episode and you can relive the excitement, but trust me for a while there I thought Jacob was a goner. As it is, we lost the Big Guy again.

Anyway, the gate explodes, the sun goes super nova, and we end up ... 125 years away from home.

Jake Whumping -

Once again, Jake is Da Man and doesn't get hurt. I noticed something. Jacob doesn't get hurt at all in the 4th season of Stargate, in fact, he doesn't even get a papercut.

Do you think it's because... Bra'tac isn't in any of the 4th season episodes?

Do you think that perhaps Pookie just gets hurt all the time so he has my undivided attention?

You don't have to hurt yourself, Pookie. I love you, you're my host. Mine. Mine. MINE! The other guys, they're just idle flirtations because... you don't pay enough attention to me. But now, since I understand... you don't have to get hurt all the time.

Someone's been watching Dr. Phil too much - Jake.

And Oprah!

But I like Dr. Phil the best, as he's big, tall, bald and from Texas. He reminds me of George. Ooops... maybe I shouldn't mention George so much, Pookie's getting jealous.

Can we just get on with this review? - Jake

Ok, Pookie. And when I'm done, I'll rub the back of your neck, and you can purr like a cat.

Groan. Why do you insist on telling everyone that I purr? I don't purr. I am a two Star General in the USAF - I do not purr.... Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....... Jake

Jacob Quotes

My cool host, Jacob, is in rare form again. He's just on his toes and zapping O'Neill back and forth with his witty comments and his astute observations. Once again, he's trying to be a mentor to Jack and remind him that the Tok'Ra see things differently than Jack does.

JACOB: (To some Tok'Ra) You'll have to take that to the secondary cargo hold, we need to room for the Stargate.

O'NEILL: Hey! Don't scuff the walls. (To Jacob) I want this ship back the way we found it.

JACOB: We know Jack. I still don't think it's really necessary for you to be here.

O'NEILL: Sorry, not letting her out of my sight.

JACOB: My mission is to oversee the relocation of the Tok'ra base. What's yours again?

O'NEILL: Protect Earth's big fat asset. We've got about a thousand engineers and scientists just drooling to go through this thing.

JACOB: You really think that's wise?

O'NEILL: Don't start with me Jake.

JACOB: Remember when you tried to retrofit a death glider?

BAHAHAHAHAH Jake's so funny!

O'NEILL: Yes, I have that memory.

JACOB: This is a vastly more complicated piece of technology.

O'NEILL: Which is exactly why we're loaning it to you in exchange for flying lessons.

JACOB: You know what I mean. You should really leave the ship with us.

O'NEILL: Not a chance.

JACOB: This is me talking Jack, Jacob not Selmak. You have no idea how dangerous this thing is.

O'NEILL: Hey! We were smart enough to steal it in the first place, which is more than the Tok'ra have been able to do.

JACOB: We don't operate that way.

O'NEILL: Well maybe it's time you took a more direct approach. The Tok'ra have been around for what, two thousand years? In all that time how many System Lords have you taken down?

JACOB: Oh yeah, things have certainly gotten better out here since you started killing Goa'ulds one by one. Lets examine the results, in each case more warlike Goa'ulds have stepped in to fill their place, there's more chaos than ever before. With the power Apophis now has we are on the brink of losing any chance of ever defeating the Goa'uld.

O'NEILL: At least we're doing something.

JACOB: Well we're doing something as well, maybe our plan is a little more long term but at least we have one.

O'NEILL: What plan?

JACOB: Undermine the Goa'ulds individual power and keep them fighting amongst themselves until we have a way of eliminating them. Once and for all.

O'NEILL: Go on.

JACOB: We're still working on it.

Anyway, Jake and I had a long discussion among ourselves when we realized how far away from home we were. He told me that if worse came to worse, he wanted me to go with Sammy, so at least his daughter would still be alive. He wouldn't be able to live with himself knowing that his daughter and his friends had died of old age while he was still alive.

Jake's so noble sometimes that he makes me cry.

Season 4 ~ The Serpent's Exodus

Now, Daniel, if you do anything to hurt my daughter,
Selmak and I will make you regret it.

Jake ~ I don't think we're in Kansas anymore ~ Sel