Sel Reviews Master Bra'tac

If Jacob will not take you dancing, Selmak, then I, Bra'tac will!
Wooooo hoooo! ~ Sel

As you probably guessed, I decided to leave that picture of Bra'tac and me going out on a hot date, just to annoy Jake. I wouldn't have to do that if Jake only went dancing once in a while. Anyway, what can I say about Bra'tac?

He's just a pup, a mere 130-something, but that's fine, age doesn't matter especially when you're as old as I am. Anyway, look at this guy, ladies. He storms through the hallways of SGC like a patrician Roman senator with his cape casually draped over one arm. Sigh. I wish Pookie would wear a cape, but knowing Jake, he'd probably trip over it and end up taking a header outta the gate. Then he'd end up in the infirmary.

I really think Jake likes Janet, why else would he end up in the infirmary everytime we visit the SGC? Anyway I digress.

What a surprise - Jake

Take a look at Bra'tac. He's not one of Apophis' typical First Primes, you know. Those thick-headed, muscle bound behemoths. He's classy. He recites poetry and he quotes all the learned sages. He's got a brain. Sigh.

Jake, why don't you recite poetry to me? Maybe even make up one for me, An Ode To Selmak, Super Symbiote.

Sure. What rhymes with Sel - Hell... and Selmak - Smack, Whack, Thwack...

I really don't like this poem.


You know, Bra'tac, if I hear you say,one more time, 'not bad for a man of 133'
, I'm going to start saying, "Not Bad for a Symbiote of 1,993 years of age!"

Season 1 Bloodlines

This starts off much like every other episode. Hammond is busy yelling at SG-C, especially O'Neill.

HAMMOND: Absolutely not!

CARTER: With respect, sir, we've considered the risks.

HAMMOND: You have, have you?

DANIEL: Yes, and we are all behind Teal'c, sir.

HAMMOND: I can see that. What I can't see is why.

CARTER: We believe there's more to be gained from this mission than a single larval Goa'uld.

HAMMOND: Such as?

DANIEL: The warrior jaffa class are the foundation of Goa'uld power, they serve as both incubators for their young and as their army. An army made almost invulnerable by the restorative powers of the Goa'uld larva they carry. It's literally as Faustian bargain.

O'NEILL: Teal'c claims there are other jaffa who believe in freedom from the Goa'uld as much as he does.

CARTER: Imagine the strategic advantage, sir, if we could undermine the loyalty of the very group the Goa'uld depend on to maintain their power.

HAMMOND: How many of these other jaffa can you be sure of?

O'NEILL: We're pretty sure of at least..one guy.

HAMMOND: One? (I'm pretty impressed that George didn't stroke on the spot)

DANIEL: Yes, but where there's one there has to be more
than..one.

Anyway, SG-C returns to Chulak to save Teal'c's son R'yac from a Fate Worse Than Death. I do like Teal'c, as he's pretty funny. That Seth Guard joke had me cracking up for days, though I had to explain it to Pookie. If I didn't have my hands full with Jake, Bra'tac and George, I'd add him to my posse.

Groan. Jake

Anyway, the gang goes to Teal'c old house and it's been destroyed. Then, they meet Jaffa Master Bra'tac, who immediately tells them that the entire group would be dead if Bra'tac was an enemy. I really think bringing the picnic basket with them was a dumb idea, but Jake and I weren't around, and it's not like they listen to us anyway.

Bra'tac insults the SG-1, and Jack and him have a smack down. Bra'tac laughs and admits that Jack wouldn't have had it so easy if he were younger. Jack, being a good boy at heart and probably having been a Boy Scout earlier in his life, is immediately horrified that he knocked down a senior citizen. My boy Bra'tac immediatedly flips Jack on his @ss during that moment of weakness.

You go, Bra'tac! Woo hoo!

The gang manages to rescue R'yac - kinda, and Bra'tac bonds with the gang.

Not bad for a man of 133 years.

Notable Quotables

BRA'TAC: You, you are among the warriors who defeated the palace guard at Chulak? A human woman?

(He was just testing Sam, else I'd have to smack him the next time I see him.)

CARTER: Hey, I'll have you know I kicked some...

He moves on to Daniel.

BRA'TAC: And you? A warrior of great skill and cunning? I could snap you like kindling! How could you bring these hashack with you?

O`NEILL: Hey! Hey! Hey! Who you calling a hassock? [he turns to Daniel] What's a hassock?

BRA'TAC: You challenge me hashack?

O'NEILL: Ah, no. I don't think we came to fight you.

BRA'TAC: A shame.

-

TEAL'C: If we are discovered, you will be brought before Apophis along with us.

O'NEILL: Well we'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.

BRA'TAC: No. The bridge is too well guarded.

O'NEILL: No, actually there, I was using a cliché that.

-

BRA'TAC: Teal'c tells me your world is without gods. Difficult to imagine.

O'NEILL: Well it's not without gods. A lot of people believe there's a god. Not everyone believes in the same god, the same way but. let's just say nobody believes in anyone with glowing eyes and a snake in his head.

BRA'TAC: Then you serve no one?

O'NEILL: I serve the SGC under a General Hammond.

BRA'TAC: So this Hammond is..

O'NEILL: Just a man. A very good, very bald man.. from Texas.

-

BRA'TAC: Not bad for a man of 133.

(Bra'tac likes saying that a lot.)

Now, I'm just wondering if everyone saw the really important issue here. At no time did Senior, Bra'tac's symbiote...

Senior? - Jake

Teal'c has Junior and Bra'tac has Senior. Anyway, as I was saying, Senior didn't have to heal Bra'tac at all during this episode, as BRA'TAC DIDN'T GET HURT. Do you think you could try and emulate Bra'tac a little bit there, Pookie? I hate the fact that you are hurt, maimed or dying in every single episode. You don't need to be an Action Hero, Jake, I love you just the way you are...

That's sweet, Selmak - Jake

A cranky klutz.