Dear Dad,

Why am I getting all these emails addressed to Dad? Selmak, what have you done? - Jake

Not me, Jake, it's what have YOU done? - Selmak

January 14, 2006

Dear Dad (or not...he he he)

I promise General Hammond and I will NEVER...EW!!!!!!!

But as you know- that mission that I went on to...well, it's classified, but um...if you don't tell any of your friends at the Pentagon...well, never mind...

Uh, and I'm not your daughter?

Saman...Not your daughter

Dear Sammy,

Upon further reflection, and a few helpful reminders from Selmak, I am giving you a grudging approval for you to... I can't even say it...

BOP George! Knock the cowboy boots until the cows come home. Find out if they do it bigger and better in Texas! ~ Helpful Sel

as I know George will treat you like you deserve.

YEEEE HAAAAAWWW! Ride 'em Cowboy! ~ Sel


Well, yeah, I try so hard to understand the Tau'Ri and it never works. Oh well... where was I? Yeee hawww... oh... Plus George's awfully lonely, the last ten years he's usually spent his nights polishing those stars of his. He'd probably be delighted with some lovin' that doesn't involved a bad red hair wig wearing tart that wears aluminum foil (aka Hathor)...~ Sel

Must you, Sel? ~ Jake

Plus he's got a BIGGER pension that Jack does! ~ Sel

September 25, 2005

Dear not-so-dad,

I am concerned about my husband who is on that hideous new Jaffa homeworld. I noticed that there is basically one woman on the council and she is a hussie from Hak'teel. I think she may have taken advantage of Bra'tac whilst on Hak'teel and used it as leverage to get on the council?

You are ascended what should I do?

Should I confront Bra'tac?

- Zimrahil, worried Jaffa on Chulak

Dear Zimrahil,

Don't worry, I know that Bra'tac is just humoring that "Hussie from Hak'Teel" for her council votes. Why don't you ring on over and visit him?


June 24, 2005

Dear Jake,

Sorry to hear you're not happy about your higher plain of existence. You should be happy, it could have been worse! You could have ended up in that other place! Both you and Sel had a taste of that on Netu!

Anyway, just thought I tell you this so that YOU can suggest it to Sel - since you are already on another plain of existence and there isn't much else she can do to you and since I have no desire to reach another plain of existence yet because she would probably whack me upside the head for pointing this out - and I ask that you not tell her I told you this.

Regarding Sel's flippers...I think you should point out to her that Patrick, Sponge Bob's closest pal, does not have flippers or digits! Yet he manages to buckle up or use his nubs for other stuff. And no, the fact that he's a Starfish and anything can stick to him or he could stick to anything doesn't count because even the fish eating at the Crabby Patty manage to pick up their burgers with FLIPPERS! And finally, if Sel can manage to form that flipper to type on a keyboard, she could have managed to use a seatbelt! Between you and me, I'm surprised she didn't take a header down the front you know who's shirt!

Sure hope she doesn't get too mad. If she does turn from green to red in anger, at least you can poof out of there to some other part of the universe! Good luck.


A Fan of Yours (and Sel too)

Dear Fan.

Thank you for not calling me Dad, as Selmak has far too many Ascendants calling me 'Dad'.


You DO know that Patrick is a cartoon, right?

Concernedly yours;


February 1, 2005

Dear Jake & Sel;

Thanks Sel for spilling the beans to Jake about my name! After Jake kicks my to the Pegasus Galaxy, I hope you know a nice place for me to go into hiding!! And Jake, I know no amount of apologizing is going to prevent you from kicking my to the Pegasus Galaxy after the ship comment especially when I compared your to George's .

But if I have to get my kicked, I'd prefer the be you instead of Jack! However, just so you know, before you do any was that Selmak's fault! She's been a influence on me!



Marya & her

PS Jake, if I knew the Gate address where you were living, I would send you the mirror! :)

PPS#1 - You're still my favorite little two star.

Dear Marya;

Actually, instead of being corrupted, Marya, I think you've been .



Dear Marya;

I am still in a state of denial over the fact that Selmak doesn't make up these emails, and in fact, you and the rest of the people on this page really do exist.

As always,

I remain your little two star,


January 31, 2005

Dear Jacob,

There has been a heated debate on the issue of the pause before finally deciding to give George mouth to mouth. Oh, by the way, FYI, George as been promoted! Yep! That means he has THREE stars to just your TWO, flyboy! :P And his ship's bigger than yours...or do you still have a ship...I seem to recall you crashed yours a while back!

Anyway, back the issue...mouth to mouth to George! I was just wondering what your take on the matter was. I mean, you being George's best friend and all, I'm sure you wouldn't have hesitated to give him mouth to mouth to SAVE his life, right? We all know that Selmak wouldn't hesitate to jump...give Georgie boy mouth to mouth. And we all know George wouldn't hesitate to order someone to give you mouth to mouth!


PS: By the way, did Selmak ever get you that three way mirror so you can look at your cute behind? :) It's still cute you know!

Dear Marya;

Away out here they have a name for rain and wind and fire,
The rain is Tess, the fire's Joe and they call the wind Marya. - Sel

Selmak! Sing on your own page, not mine!

Dear Marya;

Yes, I heard George is now a Three Star rather than a Two.

(AND I'm A FIVE STAR TOK'RA GENERAL - So that means Jake and George have to salute ME! - Sel)


OOPS! Sorry, Jake.

And I'm quite happy for him. I don't think of anyone that deserves to have three stars more with the lone exception of me for putting up with Selmak for the last six years than George does.

I'll refrain from commenting on your little remark about which of us have the bigger ship. After all it's not the of the

ship that's important nor is it the of the really , ~ it's way you

the ship.

Where did all those graphics show up from?



SIGH. Anyway, Marya, yes, if I had been there when George collapsed, I would have bit the bullet and ordered Walter to do it. We're friends, and friends look out for each other that way. Besides, if I did Mouth - to - Mouth on George, Selmak might decide to take a long visit with George and I just couldn't do that to him.

As for my behind, Selmak is refusing to get a three way mirror as she thinks I'm vain.

VAIN! Coming from SELMAK?!?!? Isn't that FUNNY?!?!

January 10, 2005

Dear Dad (though you're not my Dad),

Because of your kind's wanton slaughter of Jaffa..... Um Bra'tac is telling me to restate that in a politer way...that is to say I am in charge of the memorial service for M'Zel because I was one of the most dedicated members of his cause. Anyway I would like to have a formal written apology from the Tok'ra to read at the ceremony. And you aren't being picked on, as I am demanding one from Teal'c as well for letting him die....

No Bra'tac, I will not apologize for that statement. You know, "Dad", that is the problem with candlelight on Chulak - everyone is in the same room, READING YOUR EMAILS as you send them.

Please send the Tok'ra apology for killing millions of Jaffa to either Rak'nor or myself.

Zimrahil, Bra'tac's wife

Dear Zim,

This is Selmak speaking...err... typing. It was the NID/Trust people that stole our Symbiote killing poison and killed your people. I seem to remember that we lost one of our Barbie host / Tok'Ra symbiote dualities in the same attack as when M'Zel died.

No apology will you be getting from my people!

But please accept Jacob's and my sincerest condolances on the death of M'Zel.

He died FREE!


PS - I'll send Delek your way so you can beat him up. Will that make you feel better?

January 1, 2005

Dear Dad,

We noticed that your symbiote's website now consists of 75 pages. While we, the readers, are delighted that Selmak's site is of such fine quality for great, though terribly unappreciated people like You, Me..errr.... George and Bra'tac... don't you think you two should spend more time fighting Goa'ulds and less time coding? There's a world to defend, remember?

And I know the new Head of Homeworld Security can use all the help he can in his battle against the Gao'uld!


George...errr... a fan...

PS - where the hell did she get those pics of me from the Colorado Springs Dog Show? Is nothing sacred, man?

Dear George,

From your mouth to a certain symbiote's ears.


I don't have any ears, Jake! Remember?!?!?


Dear Dad ~ The Archives

February 2006 ~ Current

August 2004 ~ January 2006

November 2003 ~ August 2004

To talk to Dad , feel free to drop Jake a note.

To email Sel and ask for her advice, please click here.